Staffan Carle

As if old, boring perhaps, definitely “corny,” but then we start to get it, that it’s something totally new, something we haven’t tried yet, so we try, say the words, try the actions, and even feel it eventually, till finally we actually replace this our holy god named Self-realization, with it.

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When you try to find Meaning but it’s just not there, or Love, or just some Fun, and you can’t find it but you know you have to, because otherwise, well, things just don’t add up… till you realize you were looking in the wrong place — it’s not in you, it’s between us.

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It seems strange at first, but no. World is in a decline. But is it really? Well, things look pretty bad. Now, small and separated people — i.e. We — see problems that don’t exist — because we are small and separated. We grow stronger. Bigger. And so do the “problems”. But. So do we.

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Hard. Hard to put yourself in perspective. I mean, hard to see things from another perspective than from within myself. Inherent bias. Lost case. Until soon when it becomes necessary and even important and we actually start doing it. Objectively speaking, the keyword is We.

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I have a feeling that it’s all the opposite. What I feel as good is actually bad, and what I feel as bad is good. It’s like I’m a lens turning everything I see upside down. My ego’s interest contradicts the world’s. So I have to add another lens, a third component, a wild card.

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I guess it depends on the perspective. I mean everything. I mean, whatever I see, I always see it from my limited (understatement) viewpoint. It makes me feel unfree as hell. Is it for life? Shouldn’t there at least be a leave or something?

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It’s not that you lose it. It just weakens. Naturally so. But it’s a shame. When you’re a kid you have it, it’s just there, the question of things’ essence, the question of why you’re alive. Then you “grow up” and seemingly just “live” without any apparent reason. Till one day…

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Whatever you look at, if you take a closer look, why is it that it always consists of two opposites? It’s just so frustrating. But on the other hand, it kind of calms you down. I wish I could understand it. But no, I prefer to remain indifferent.

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I Wish I could see what’s going on. I mean, there’s a lot, but at least it would be nice to see what’s happening to myself. I mean, I don’t. I’m a slave to my desires, a robot, and I’m fed up with it. I wish I could see… Well, honestly, to see what you see. What you think. And what you feel.

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It should be an easy choice. I mean, sure there are thousands of them. Options. But the bulk of them is rubbish. Soberly sorting. Knowing what’s right. Sure, but when it comes down to it, I prefer to be confused. Wrong is easy. Right is hard.

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Staffan Carle

Staffan Carle

Translator, forklift driver, father, student of human integral systems, expat in Japan