Early morning, sleepy as hell, looking at myself in the mirror. Thinking “What for?” Then you enter the day and deep mindlessness. The question dies abruptly. Or fades away. Until it’s morning again. You’re dead tired again, but, for a moment, as the question is resurrected, so are you.
What I have at hand is undoubtedly the perfect means for going from where I am right now to the place I need to be. Of course, since I don’t know where I’m going, or where I need to be, I don’t appreciate what I have at hand. I take detours.
Do I have a choice? I mean, of course I can choose what to do and what to eat and so on, but what about goals and reasons? I happen to have a desire for something. Follow suit? Or move forward according to a chosen goal? Is it really my choice?
A world that doesn’t know how to keep itself. People. As if lost, without a goal or vision. We’re quite okay with it; we flow. Till things start cracking and we can’t fix them. Is it then, meaning Now perhaps, that we start to ask the question Why? Why what? Why Everything.
A crazy thought. What if everything is alright? The activists, people who (don’t) know, say the opposite, that we’re going down. But even those who keep their cool, no doubt they sense, at least a bit, the decadence of our current state. But when wasn’t the world crazy? No, we’re fine, just fine.
As a breath of fresh air in a place of unbearable stench; as a glimpse of light in a place of horrifying darkness; or as a ball of meat (meatball) in a belly horrendously tormented by hunger. Those are only (silly) metaphors. What this (sick) world really needs? An internal, universal, unconditional HUG.
Am I supposed to participate in solving this thing? It depends. Do I know what’s going on? Do I want to know? Do I want to participate? Awareness and desire. Am I aware that the problem is me? Do I want to change? No. But maybe I want to be aware. Want to want. To change.
Sometimes I have a feeling that I’m missing the point. I mean totally. Living my life in a haze, seeing only shadows and vague forms and structures, but not the real thing. So I look for it. The point. But it’s not there. So. At least I know I’m missing it. Or at least I think I do.
There’s clearly a split. Between what’s best for me vs. what’s best for humanity. Between my own ideals and what I actually do and think. Between the world I see and the world itself. These splits are interesting. They seem very meaningful.
There seems to be some kind of consensus saying that we, humanity, needs to, hmm, improve. When it comes to the means for it, there is no agreement, no universal truth. A couple of things seem close to it though. Experience. And Connection. Without them we’re fried.
